Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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