At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
