Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
