is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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