I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
