My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
