Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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