She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
