Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
