I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
