the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
