he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize