Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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