i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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