I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
