My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
