I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
