I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
