Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Non-Jews are for practice
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
