im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
