No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
