He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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