the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
