Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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