he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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