Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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