The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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