My cat gives me a boner
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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