Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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