i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
