Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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