the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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