She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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