He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
