And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
