Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
