i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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