So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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