We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
