Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
