you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
