You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
