so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
