Cold hands, warm shart.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
