she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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