I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
