i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
