the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
