he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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