I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
