??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
