it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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