Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
