and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
