i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
