I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
