Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
