Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
