you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
