Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
