She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
