Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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