he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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