His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
