i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
