Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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