Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
