There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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