At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
