Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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