i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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