i jhust puked up my retainher.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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