your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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