In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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