Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize