need another drink. this is the easiest way
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
