Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
