Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize