He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
